Daddy wishing Audrey "Happy Birthday"Wedding
Wedding
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Audrey's Birthday
the "#1" balloon says "Happy Bithday Princess" ~ with purple, pink and white shimmering balloons
Friday, August 8, 2008
Happy 1st Birthday Audrey Grace!
It has been a very long time since I wrote last. I guess I'm not so good at blogging. I will try to do better.
So many things have happened over the last year, good and bad. Tomorrow is going to be a milestone in our lives. If our baby girl had lived, August 9th would be her 1st birthday.
Every day I think of her, what she might look like, things she might be doing, learning to crawl, stand, walk & talk. It doesn't seem like it has been a year since everything happened. I listen & watch other mothers with their children and envy the blessing they have in their lives. I know it's not meant in a hurtful way & I know most of the time it's just venting, but it's sometimes so difficult to hear parents complaining about how little sleep they got the night before because they were up with their child or there child is such a handful, they can't wait for them to get older, past this stage. If I had been given the opportunity to be a Mom here on this earth, I would give everything I have to be too tired or to take care of a child if they were a handful. I would treasure every moment of every day with my child. It's so difficult having your arms empty every day wishing your baby was in your arms, to be able to comfort them when they're upset and to help them learn each new phase of life. I know that I will have my baby again someday and have the opportunity to raise her and care for her. I just miss her terribly and can't imagine how hard it's going to be year after year without her, just waiting for the opportunity to see her and hold her again.
I'm so glad to have an opportunity to talk about my baby girl. I know it makes people uncomfortable when I bring up her name or talk about her, I can tell by the expressions on their face or tone of voice. But I want my Audrey Grace to be acknowledged, she was a real person. Her Dad and I got to know her for 9 months, guessing her personality, her moods, how independent she would be. She definitely had a mind of her own and expressed it in how she moved inside of me and how she kicked, etc. No one else had that opportunity so I know it's harder for them to acknowledge her or listen to me talk about her as if she had lived. But sometimes that is the only way I can keep myself from thinking that she was only a dream, just a flash of a second in my life. Talking about her helps me know I'm not crazy and she was a part of my life a part of our lives. I am so blessed to have a loving husband who feels the same way and who supports me in everything I do. Going through this past year has brought a closeness between us that I never knew could exist. I guess burying your first child either brings you closer or tears you apart. I am so glad this has brought us even closer.
I want our sweet little "love bug" to know how much Mommy & Daddy love her and that we will be celebrating tomorrow August 9 as her 1st birthday. We are going to take balloons and flowers to decorate her grave and spend some time reminiscing about the blessings she has brought into our lives.
~ Happy Birthday baby girl ~ Happy Birthday Audrey Grace ~
So many things have happened over the last year, good and bad. Tomorrow is going to be a milestone in our lives. If our baby girl had lived, August 9th would be her 1st birthday.
Every day I think of her, what she might look like, things she might be doing, learning to crawl, stand, walk & talk. It doesn't seem like it has been a year since everything happened. I listen & watch other mothers with their children and envy the blessing they have in their lives. I know it's not meant in a hurtful way & I know most of the time it's just venting, but it's sometimes so difficult to hear parents complaining about how little sleep they got the night before because they were up with their child or there child is such a handful, they can't wait for them to get older, past this stage. If I had been given the opportunity to be a Mom here on this earth, I would give everything I have to be too tired or to take care of a child if they were a handful. I would treasure every moment of every day with my child. It's so difficult having your arms empty every day wishing your baby was in your arms, to be able to comfort them when they're upset and to help them learn each new phase of life. I know that I will have my baby again someday and have the opportunity to raise her and care for her. I just miss her terribly and can't imagine how hard it's going to be year after year without her, just waiting for the opportunity to see her and hold her again.
I'm so glad to have an opportunity to talk about my baby girl. I know it makes people uncomfortable when I bring up her name or talk about her, I can tell by the expressions on their face or tone of voice. But I want my Audrey Grace to be acknowledged, she was a real person. Her Dad and I got to know her for 9 months, guessing her personality, her moods, how independent she would be. She definitely had a mind of her own and expressed it in how she moved inside of me and how she kicked, etc. No one else had that opportunity so I know it's harder for them to acknowledge her or listen to me talk about her as if she had lived. But sometimes that is the only way I can keep myself from thinking that she was only a dream, just a flash of a second in my life. Talking about her helps me know I'm not crazy and she was a part of my life a part of our lives. I am so blessed to have a loving husband who feels the same way and who supports me in everything I do. Going through this past year has brought a closeness between us that I never knew could exist. I guess burying your first child either brings you closer or tears you apart. I am so glad this has brought us even closer.
I want our sweet little "love bug" to know how much Mommy & Daddy love her and that we will be celebrating tomorrow August 9 as her 1st birthday. We are going to take balloons and flowers to decorate her grave and spend some time reminiscing about the blessings she has brought into our lives.
~ Happy Birthday baby girl ~ Happy Birthday Audrey Grace ~
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